35 Cybersecurity Jokes to Make Any Security Geek Chuckle (or
Groan)
[Posted on September 8, 2020]
[Gleened from: https://www.helpsystems.com/blog/35- cybersecurity-jokes-make-any-security-geek-chuckle-or-groan]

Good IT jokes are few and far between, especially when it comes
to cybersecurity. That's why we put on our creativity hats to
brainstorm joke after joke - with a break to pull in a few of
our favorites from the web - for the ultimate result: the
motherlode (or should we say motherboard?) of cybersecurity
jokes and puns. P.S.: we side with Alfred Hitchcock on this
one: puns are the highest form of literature.

Everyone deserves an eye-catching intro to break the ice at the
start of a meeting or spice up a PowerPoint - gotta keep the
CEO's attention somehow! And no joke is complete without the
perfect graphic. Feel free to grab ours and include them in
your next newsletter, quarterly presentation, or for a workday
pick-me-up.

Without further ado, we present.
Our Favorite Cybersecurity Jokes of 2020

Why didn't the IT team set up their remote office from the beach?
[o] It was too cloudy.

What's a hacker's favorite season?
[o] Phishing season.

An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches and asks. [o] "May I join you?"

What do you call a turtle that surfs the dark web?
[o] A TORtoise

What do you call an excavated pyramid?
[o] Unencrypted.

If girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice, and
boys are made of slime, snails, and puppy-dog tails, what's the
cloud made from?
[o] Linux servers, mostly.

What do you call a group of math and science geeks at a party?
[o] Social engineers.

Why did the programmer go to rehab?
[o] He was addicted to coding.

What's the best way to catch a runaway robot?
[o] Use a botnet.

How did the vegetable farmer sell his produce on the dark web?
[o] He used onion routing.


Why did the programmer leave the camping trip early?
[o] There were too many bugs.

Why don't young programmers write in script these days?
[o] They were only taught Java.

What did the moderator say to kick off the IT speed dating session?
[o] "Singles, sign on!"

What do you tell a hacker after a bad breakup?
[o] There are plenty of phish in the sea!

What's one step that witches and wizards take to ensure data security?
[o] Quill testing.

Did you hear about the computer that kept rebooting?
[o] It was terminal.

Why didn't the company move into the Castle in the Sky?
[o] There wasn't enough cloud storage.

Why did the band never get a gig?
[o] It was called 1023MB

What's a programmer's least favorite Pixar movie?
[o] A Bug's Life.

How do you choose a strong password?
[o] Go to the gym and find the one lifting the heaviest weights!

What did the hacker's out of office message say?
[o] Gone phishing!

Where does a MySQL database go to relax on a hot day?
[o] A buffer pool.

How do programmers like their brownies?
[o] GUI

What are a CISO's two biggest cybersecurity fears?
[o] Everyone who works at the company. and everyone who doesn't.

What do you call a Wes Anderson movie that gets a lot of attention online?
[o] Fantastic Mr. Firefox

Why did the football team fumble the handoff?
[o] They didn't use a secure transfer method.

What happens when kids hit high school and want more independence?
[o] They start to get SaaS-y.

Why was the hacker's Californian hiking trip interrupted?
[o] There was a firewall.

Coronavirus fear is everywhere.
[o] Today I coughed on my monitor and my antivirus software started running.

Why didn't the shopper go down the canned meat aisle in the grocery store?
[o] Her SPAM filters were on.

What do you call it when only one digit steers your car?
[o] A thumb drive.

What's a secret agent's go-to fashion?
[o] Spyware.

Why did the database administrator slice a tree stump in half?
[o] He needed a binary log.

Have you heard of the band called Dark Web?
[o] They're always on tor.

After a life of cybercrime, how did the hacker get to heaven?
[o] The password hadn't been changed in 2000 years.


--- OpenXP 5.0.51
* Origin: Ogg's Dovenet Point (723:320/1.9)
þ Synchronet þ CAPCITY2 * capcity2.synchro.net * Telnet/SSH:2022/Rlogin/HTTP

On 2/13/22 10:00, Ogg wrote:

Good IT jokes are few and far between, especially when it comes
to cybersecurity. That's why we put on our creativity hats to
brainstorm joke after joke

Not really a joke, but still remember when I worked at the MCI technical
call center in Chandler, AZ... there was an Iomega side and a Compaq
support side (I worked on the Iomega side)... was walking over to lunch,
and a friend that worked on the Compaq side popped up, looked around for anyone to tell this to... he asked the customer to hold for a moment, he
had too much trouble to stop from laughing...

I didn't even understand the statement he made at first, "The c???er is broken" ... huh? ... "they said their cupholder was broken" ... of
course it was the CD-Rom drive that they had been using as a cup holder.
IIRC, this was around 1994 or so.

The worst call I got was someone trying to backup their files when the
power was out... I swear I spent 20m with they guy while he checked all
the cables for the Jazz drive were connected, etc... seriously didn't
think to tell me the power was out until I asked if he could pull the
computer out so he could check the connection clearly without the
flashlight. The SCSI card that came with some of the devices had the
same connector as a printer port, and people would often plug into the
wrong port, or not install the card, because they didn't know the
difference.
--
Michael J. Ryan - tracker1@roughneckbbs.com
---
þ Synchronet þ Roughneck BBS - roughneckbbs.com

Tracker1 wrote to Ogg <=-

I didn't even understand the statement he made at first, "The c???er is broken" ... huh? ... "they said their cupholder was broken" ... of
course it was the CD-Rom drive that they had been using as a cup
holder.
IIRC, this was around 1994 or so.

Back about that time I'd had someone who referred to a CRT monitor as "The CPU". She'd talk about taking the CPU out and moving it to another desk.

I'd be on the phone asking her to turn the PC off and on again, and I'd hear her turn the monitor off and on and wonder why the problems didn't go away.

Don't miss those days.


... Abandon desire
--- MultiMail/DOS v0.52
þ Synchronet þ .: realitycheckbbs.org :: scientia potentia est :.

--- POINDEXTER FORTRAN wrote ---

Tracker1 wrote to Ogg <=-

Back about that time I'd had someone who referred to a CRT monitor as "The

CPU". She'd talk about taking the CPU out and moving it to another desk.

I'd be on the phone asking her to turn the PC off and on again, and I'd
hear
her turn the monitor off and on and wonder why the problems didn't go
away.

Don't miss those days.

I used to work with someone who called a motherboard a "cp board".

I worked with another guy who was insane... all he could do was fix power supplies. Anything else he touched he broke.

---
"No matter where you go, there you are..."


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